By Shelba Waldron - Director of Club Education and Outreach, USA Gymnastics

Parents may be in need of guidance when their child becomes distressed after an off practice or meet. Children, specifically under the age of 12, have difficulty expressing themselves when they are upset. This can lead to a parent overreacting and calling the club out of anger or underreacting when the problem calls for action.

Below are helpful questions to share with your club parents to consider when their child is upset after practice:

• Does the child's complaint or mood align with previous issues they have had about their coach or team?
• Is this out of character for them?
• Does the child have a history of previous issues with other coaches, teachers or adults in a position of authority?
• Does the child have a history of overreacting when they are upset or have been told no?
• Is the parent able to get the full story from them? Do they give specific details or broad generalizations?
  • Example of generalization: "The coach was mean to me."
  • Example of detail: "The coach yelled at me because he said I was lazy."
  • Example of generalization: "The coach isn't fair."
  • Example of detail: "The coach isn't fair because he won't give me personal attention on my routines."
  • Example of generalization: "The coach doesn't like me."
  • Example of detail: "The coach singles me out more than 'Susie' when we make the same mistakes."

Encourage the parent to assess for additional possibilities that might have contributed to the issue at hand such as:

• A bad day at school or home that contributed to a bad day at the gym
• Feeling on the outside of peer groups
• Difficulty making friends at the gym
• Struggling with a skill and feeling vulnerable when getting corrections
• General sadness, depression or anxiety stemming from the possibility of burn out, time of year or struggle to get a particular skill
• Bullying
• Underlying medical problem

When a child is upset, they will often describe a situation with details missing. Parents should wait 2-6 hours (or possibly the next day) before asking for more information. The waiting period will allow the child to calm their emotions and tell the story in greater detail. Parents should spend the initial moments after practice soothing and affirming their child's feelings. After a calming period, the child should be encouraged to talk freely about their experience and concerns. Once they have been heard, they will be more receptive to answering further questions or listening to suggestions about what they can do to make the situation better. Sometimes they will realize what they were upset about is no longer a big deal. This is when the parent should decide whether they should call the coach or club for a meeting.

Helping parents grasp these useful techniques can reduce communication breakdowns and boost the likelihood of a stronger parent-coach collaboration.