By Shelba Waldron - Director of Club Education and Outreach, USA Gymnastics

Conversation regarding a child who is struggling with their behavior is a stressful experience for both the coach and parents. The coach is unsure how to approach the subject, and the parents are afraid the conversation could result in their child's removal from the program. Both parties may experience feelings of anger, fear, frustration, and confusion, along with a sense of inadequacy as they discuss the challenges the child is facing. We encourage coaches to follow the steps below when addressing the situation.

• Take a deep breath and remain calm when sharing concern.
• Schedule a time to talk rather than talking on the fly at drop off or dismissal. Do not share information in the hall, in passing, or in public areas where others can hear the conversation.
• Always presume positive intentions and begin the discussion by asking questions and gathering more information.
• Encourage parents to share any concerns and ask if there have been any changes at home you should be made aware of. Guarantee the parent that all information will be kept private.
• Make sure you are prepared. Know key points you want to discuss. Provide concrete examples of the child's behavior and methods used to manage said behavior.
• Parents are the expert of their own child. Ask them for behavior management methods that have been effective at home or school. Discuss trigger points and how you can de-escalate the situation.
• Highlight the child's strengths and emphasize the positive.
• Set up follow-up meetings. The parents will want to know how things are going and do not have to be blindsided after an issue has escalated.

Keep in mind that the parent will most likely be nervous headed into the conversation. Reassure them that you are there to work with them and that all children are welcome. Many parents may seem defensive because they are afraid their child will be removed from the program or that their family is no longer welcome at the club. While it may be the first time you're bringing up a challenging behavior, it may not be the first time a parent has heard about it. They also may have had past experiences with schools or other activities that led to mistrust. Alleviating their fears at the beginning of the conversation will help calm the nerves and create a smoother tone.

Finally, remember that both you and the child's parents want to find a suitable solution, and everyone is doing the very best they can. By approaching the parent with an attitude of mutual respect and care, they will be more open to talking with you and sharing information about their child in the future.